Monday, November 26, 2007

foggy...


The high temperature yesterday was around 50 degrees. Last night, the low was listed as 50 as well, and again the high today is 50. All of that, plus the early morning rain, resulted today in fog...at 2:00 in the afternoon this is what my backyard looks like. I love the way it looks, so mysterious and enclosing. The air smells good, too. I'm feeling foggy as well, though. The weekend felt longer than weekends are supposed to feel. Thanksgiving worked out well. I had no idea what we were actually going to do. Normally I'll hear from my brother early in the week, and we decide if we are going to drive out to Lancaster for the day or stay home and cook our own turkey. Traveling on Thanksgiving Day can be very slow, so it's not such a simple decision when a one hour + ride can take three or more. We've learned, though, to avoid route 30 which is a direct route to my brother's for us. When there's traffic there it slows down to a crawl, so we take the PA turnpike and go north and then head down south into Lancaster and backtrack to my brother's. In any case, we didn't do that this year. I had bought a turkey breast and a small ham for us, and a pie for visiting, so I had all the bases covered. We got a call on Wednesday....late, but we did want to go. However, on Thursday no one really felt a strong pull to get in the car and hit the road. It was just as well, since they were having heavy rains and winds which were heading our way and would have made traveling difficult. So, I spent the day cooking and we had a nice time at home. I spoke to my brother and my mother on the phone, which was also nice. However, I did get a call on Sunday from my sister-in-law telling me how all the family is worried about me and wondering where I've been. I tried explaining how life has been lately, sometimes like walking through molasses, but it became clear to me that she really wasn't interested in how I was, just wanting to let me know that I wasn't living up to some family standard and needed to shape up! Well, I don't believe in standards, so I think I was a bit infuriating to her. I wasn't happy with her call either, but felt that I held to my own truth pretty well, considering that she wasn't really listening, but all the same, I didn't get upset and just tried to be as clear as I could about my situation. I thanked her for her concern, also, since after all, there was concern there, and that's always nice no matter how it comes across. I've always wanted a close family...my sons and I are very close, and so I do have that, but the extended family has always been a challenge for me. I am the 'rebel' to them....into such things as astrology and flower essences....crazy new age stuff....why can't I just toe the line and be 'normal'? I send them good energy...I don't dwell on the negative, but I also don't go out of my way to fit in with them, that's too unhealthy for me to not be true to myself, though it's been a struggle at times. I could hear her getting more and more angry, but holding it in...not healthy either...but a good way for people to try to manipulate others....'well, you do what you like, let us know if you need anything, bye'. I always wish for more clarity, better communication, but there are times when trying to do that just creates more conflict, and then I end up looking like an antagonist, so I stay relatively quiet, and just let the other person say their piece. If they want to listen, I'm ready to talk, but sometimes people just want to let you know that they're in charge and that you don't know anything, so what can you do?

I've had some wonderful realizations this weekend, I think that's why I feel so foggy today. It takes time to incorporate new ways of being and to start to know how to put them into action. The fact that Mars is retrograde right now just turns action inward, so it may take time for anything to actually be put into practice. When I was born, Mars was also retrograde. For me, this means that I do a lot of inner processing before taking action. Most people, with Mars in forward motion in their birthchart, are accustomed to taking immediate action...so I tend to confuse people. Now, with a double dose of Mars retro for me, I'm still trying to understand what it means...I do feel slower than usual, but with so much going on inside...tons of creative ideas and plans for the future, but not much actually manifesting in day to day life. At least it's not just me now, as everyone is being affected by this to some extent. I think that Uranus going direct this weekend has just added to the creative, unusual ideas running through my head...what a combination!

I am reading a book that I highly recommend to anyone who is trying to understand the recent outpouring of information on the Law of Attraction. It is called The Astonishing Power of Emotions by Esther and Jerry Hicks. This one fills in all the gaps in what we are being told through books like Think and Grow Rich, Ask and It is Given, and the movie The Secret. It's what we are feeling in any given moment that has the most effect on what happens in our lives. In any given moment, we have the possibility of reaching for a better feeling...just a slightly better feeling is enough to set the wheels in motion towards an even better feeling and ultimately towards a better outcome in our lives. Abraham likens it to traveling on a river and either fighting the current and trying to paddle upstream, or going with the flow and co-creating with the flow of the current to get ourselves to where our lives want to take us in the first place. I think it seems from all the New Age messages that are out there that we can just choose what we want in our lives and it will happen....well, there's a bit more to it, and this book puts it all in to perspective. Many will not be ready for what it says, but the message is very simple and easy to absorb for those who are ready to hear it. I've put a link to it at the sidebar, Amazon.com shows you the table of contents and some of the inside pages so you can see what it's about. The message is very empowering...there is no need to have your life all figured out, to try to manifest a future that you don't know is right for you or not...but just to take life one moment at a time, continually reaching for that better way of feeling from within yourself that is always there just waiting for you to notice it.

I've ordered some more stamps, these are coming from a seller in Thailand. The first set are Thai stamps...very intriguing to me....click on the photo to see the detail...
and find some info on Thai amulets here and here...

These stamps are from China...images from the Yungang Grottoes...


I wanted Buddha images to put into my glass pendants. I've been slow at getting these made as well, but looking forward to playing with these stamps and others that I have, as well as some photos. I've been collecting origami papers for the backs, though I may also use some of my handmade papers, too. I've dabbled in so many different forms of craft that I am amazed now at how much I can draw from to put together a single piece of jewelry or a sewn item...I love the range of possibilities...hopefully you'll be seeing results some time soon.

More to come, I hope. I've been so quiet lately, but I always know that this is how my life flows, and eventually the words come pouring out again.

2 comments:

PixieDust said...

It's not easy being the one "black sheep" of the family - but it would be so much harder to conform, yes? I know this well, and I'm giving you big hugs for the strength to be true to yourself, and teaching your boys by example that they must be true to themselves always - if not then everything else that follows is a lie, no?

I love these beautiful stamps, and await anxiously to see some more of your jewelry...

Whether your quiet or no, posting often or rarely, I think of you always and am honored in finding such a unique, beautiful woman whom I call my friend...

:-)

Love,
Me

kateri said...

Dear Foggy Friend,

I love how you relate to the weather and the retrograde. I know you feel foggy, but it seems like you are actually seeing through things pretty well. :-) Family can be so tough. Ihad a similar incident wiht my sister in law a few months ago, maybe I told you about it. It really made me angry actually.

Where in lancaster off rt 30 are they? That is where all of my ex-in-laws live. I know the area very well.

The stamps are SO gorgeous. Wow! What inspiration! Cannot wait to see what you create. has Michael started his Etsy yet? Looking forward to that, too.

Keep your fog lamps on...I feel good things coming.

Love, me